


truth is i got lost without you

by perfect-porcelain (tedddylupin)



Series: don't forget where you belong [8]
Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Parallel Universe, M/M, Sad Grizz, Violent Scenes, Whump, medical scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 19:56:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19216441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tedddylupin/pseuds/perfect-porcelain
Summary: Grizz is having a normal day when he gets a phone call that shakes his world apart.





	truth is i got lost without you

**Author's Note:**

> this is part of an ongoing series that I recommend you read before this one.

It was a normal Thursday for Grizz. He was enjoying happy hour with his coworkers after an endless workday. The air had a touch of fall that made sitting outside glorious. It felt _right_. The only thing missing was Sam but he was seeing him this weekend.

 

Then his phone rang.

 

He shifted in his seat, putting the phone out from his back pocket and frowned when he saw who was calling him.

 

“Becca? What’s up?” He asked, as he got up, giving his coworkers a gesture that he would be right back.

 

“Grizz? It’s….it’s Sam.” Becca stuttered into the phone and Grizz felt the blood drain from his face. Her voice sounded like she had been crying and Becca never cried.

 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, panic seeping into his voice.

 

“Campbell--” Becca started and Grizz froze. “He--he came and Sam was...you just need to get here okay?”

 

“I’m leaving right now.” He quickly responded, already moving toward his car.

 

Then Becca spoke again with words that shook him to his core.

 

“We’re at the hospital. Just hurry okay?”

 

He sucked in a breath and cursed the fact that he lived so far away. He knew it would take him at least two hours to get back and that was with driving like a bat out of hell. 

 

The entire time he wasn’t listening to the radio that was blaring so loud it set his teeth on edge. The entire time his knuckles were shock white.

 

The entire time his thoughts went to the worst place possible.

 

Campbell hadn’t been in West Ham for three years now, thanks to his jail sentence. They had finally pinned something on him after he had gotten away scott free from so many charges. It was a domestic abuse charge and had been shaky at best until Sam decided to testify. Grizz had kept up with the trial from Boston as it was happening. Even then he found Sam’s bravery inspiring but he had stayed away, too chicken to say anything.

 

Now it seemed Campbell was out and hellbent on revenge. 

 

Less than two hours later (thanks to some good timing traffic wise), Grizz squealed into the hospital parking lot, turning into the first parking space he saw. He quickly shut off his car and sprinted towards the sliding doors.

 

“Where’s Sam?” He practically yelled at the receptionist who looked at him with cool indifference.

 

“Sam who?”

 

“Eliot, Sam Eliot!” Grizz wanted to punch something.

 

“Room 18 but you’re not allowed--” The receptionist started but before she could finish he was taking off down the hall. “Sir! You’re not allowed inside!”

 

The words rolled off him and his eyes were scanning frantically for the number. He skidded to a stop in front of the room, heart pounding. The shade was drawn over the window except for a small crack at the bottom and he sucked in a deep breath. Stepping forward, he opened the door and was instantly hit with the sound of constant beeping. The room was darkened, only a little light coming in from outside and his eyes adjusted slowly.

 

There he was.

 

Laying on the bed with countless wires and tubes coming out of him and Grizz felt his heart drop into his stomach. 

 

“Grizz?” A voice broke his thoughts and he looked up at the voice. It was Becca who was sitting by Sam’s bed and he could see just how red her eyes were. 

 

“What...is he…will he…?” He tried starting a sentence multiple times but couldn’t seem to get the words out.

 

He looked at Sam who’s eyes were closed and he sucked in a breath at just the amount of bruising that mottled his face and arms and continued down his chest under his hospital gown. He had bandages covering half his face and a breathing tube down his mouth. Grizz felt tears spring to his eyes and he looked back at Becca.

 

She held out her hand and Grizz moved like a zombie over to her, gripping it. 

 

“The doctors said that he has a lot of internal bleeding, but if he makes it through the night he has a good chance.” She whispered, voice wracked with tears. 

 

Grizz’s breath hitched and he collapsed on the chair next to Becca. Internal bleeding was never good. 

 

“What happened?” He could barely get out, his vision blurring as the tears began to fall silently down his cheeks.

 

“Campbell came and jumped him while he was leaving for work. The paramedics didn’t get to him for an hour after Campbell left.” Becca bit her lip and Grizz’s hands curled into fists.

 

“Did they get him at least?” He said, tone cold.

 

“They picked him up after he ran. He’s at the police station right now.” 

 

“At least something went right.” Grizz muttered and Becca squeezed his hand. “Is he...in a coma?” Sam hadn’t moved since he walked in besides his chest moving up and down with help from the machine.

 

“Medically induced. Otherwise he would be screaming in pain.” Becca winced and Grizz’s eyes squeezed shut.

 

He let Becca’s hand go and he leaned forward, putting his head in his hands, rocking slightly. He felt Becca start to rub his back and that simple touch alone made him start to sob. This was not happening. This was _Sam_. The kindest, most generous, most loving person he had ever had the pleasure of knowing. He didn’t deserve this. If anything Grizz felt like it should have happened to him. He deserved getting the life kicked out him. He had done so many things wrong in his life that he wished he could take back.

 

It should have been him in that hospital bed.

 

If he had been here none of this would have happened. But no, he was off having drinks and hanging out while Sam teetered close to death.

 

He couldn’t breathe.

 

“Grizz, listen to my voice okay.” Becca’s voice was like a point of reference for him as she continued to rub her hand on his back. “I want you to close your eyes and try to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly. Breathe with me okay. In…...out…...in…...out.” She coached him through the manic mess that was his thoughts. 

 

He leaned back in his chair as he got control over his breathing but it was still ragged and painful. 

 

“I should have been there.” He stuttered out, voice warbling.

 

“This isn’t your fault.” Becca insisted and Grizz shook his head.

 

“No, I was coming here to see him, I should have been here.” 

 

Becca took his head in her tiny hands. “This is not your fault.” She looked him in the eyes, her own shiny with tears.

 

“It should have been me.” He whispered, looking down.

 

“This shouldn’t have happened to anyone. But we are going to be here for him and when he wakes up I need to know that you’re going to be there for him.” She said intensely.

 

He looked back at her, hesitating before nodding. He knew that he would blame himself. He knew that this would be stuck in his head for the rest of his life and he would never forgive himself if Sam was permanently scarred because of it.

 

“The doctor said he’s not going to wake up for a while so why don’t you head to his place and get cleaned up.” Becca said after a pause and Grizz froze. He couldn’t leave him. He would rather die than leave his side.

 

He shook his head vehemently. “No, I can’t leave him.”

 

Becca stared at him for a moment before sighing and nodding, knowing it would be a lost cause. “Alright fine, you stay with him but I’m going to go and make sure Eden’s okay.” Grizz nodded and she kissed his cheek as she rose. She stood there for a long moment, staring at Sam who still hadn’t moved and then turned to go. “I’ll be back in a little bit okay? I’ll text you.” 

 

Grizz nodded, not even turning to watch her go, his gaze stuck on Sam’s body. 

 

He moved into Becca’s chair that was closer to Sam’s face and he let his eyes roam over the marks and tubes and _pain_ on Sam. 

 

His fingers hesitantly reached out to brush against Sam’s hand. It was colder than normal and he didn’t feel Sam in the touch. He didn’t feel movement that told him Sam was there and his eyes started tearing up again. 

 

“Excuse me.” A voice hesitantly called out and he looked up, standing instantly. In the doorway were Sam’s parents who looked like they too had seen a ghost. 

 

“Oh um...hi.” He said, quickly wiping away his tears. His mom came forward, a sympathetic look on her face and soon she was wrapping him up in a big hug. He was frozen for a moment before he started to hesitantly hug her back.

 

“You must be Grizz right?” His mom asked, leaning back and Grizz nodded. “We were going to have dinner but….” She started, her voice becoming strained and Grizz bit his lip, eyes looking down. She cleared her throat. “It’s nice to finally meet you.” She murmured and he gave her a quick smile that faltered and shattered.

 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, voice wavering. 

 

“Sorry for what sweetheart?” She asked and Grizz sniffed, wiping away more tears.

 

“I….If I had been there--”

 

“Don’t think that.” Sam’s dad interrupted from the doorway and Grizz’s gaze looked up. “It’s a dangerous road to go down. No one could have predicted this. You’re here now and that’s what matters.”

 

Grizz bit his lip hard in an attempt to stop a fresh wave of tears and he nodded. “I’ll let you guys have time with him alone.” He muttered, moving to get out of the way.

 

“Won’t you stay?” His mom asked, stopping his movements. He turned back to her and confusion briefly flashed across his face and she gave him a sad smile. “You’re just as much family now.” 

 

He looked at Sam’s dad and he gave him an encouraging nod. Grizz swallowed hard and moved to take a chair on the opposite side, letting Sam’s parents sit together. 

 

It was silent save for the beeps of the machines. 

 

“Sam’s told us a lot about you.” Sam’s mom interrupted and Grizz’s eyes moved to her. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him happier than when he talks about you.” She gave him a warm smile and Grizz sucked in a breath, feeling his heart break.

 

It took him a moment to collect himself before he could respond. “He means a lot to me.” 

 

Sam’s mom gave him a pained expression. “He’s going to be alright.” She said with such strength in her voice.

 

Grizz looked away and landed on Sam’s face that had been changed so much. “How do you know?” He said softly.

 

“Because I know he can feel the love he’s surrounded by.” She said in such a way that it was easy to believe it.

 

“I never got to tell him that I….” He started, biting his lip hard once again and he felt Sam’s mom reach out across the bed to take his hand. 

 

“I know. But you’re going to get to say it to him.”

 

His eyes looked back to hers and he swallowed again. She squeezed his hand before letting it go. He cleared his throat. “I’m going to um...go get some food.” He stood and Sam’s mom nodded.

 

“Take your time sweetheart.” 

 

He gave her a small smile before exiting the room. Once he was outside he leaned against the wall, making sure that his parents couldn’t see him. He sucked in a deep breath and let it out slow, tears springing to his eyes. This was not how things were supposed to go.

 

He was going to tell Sam this weekend that he loved him at their spot in the woods that had become their own. 

 

Now he was afraid that he would have to say it at Sam’s funeral. 

 

He coughed and straightened, walking down the hall once more towards his car. He hadn’t brought anything with him and he felt entirely too constricted in his work clothes. He needed to get clothes and he knew the only clothes that would fit him were at his parents house. 

 

He sat in his car for a moment, debating on if it was worth it. He had clothes at Sam’s apartment but he couldn’t manage that right now. He would break down again. His parents wasn’t ideal but he was sure if they saw his face right now they wouldn’t ask too many questions. Emotions and Vissers did not mesh well thought it seemed like he was the black sheep of the family for multiple reasons.

 

The drive to his parents house felt like days and seconds at the same time. His mind kept flashing to Sam’s body and then to Sam’s mother who looked at him in ways his mother never had. 

 

Loving and accepting.

 

He parked the car in front and took another moment to reel in his feelings. His eyes were still red and puffy but his face wasn’t as blotchy anymore. 

 

The house key easily slipped into the door and he walked into the house. 

 

“Grizz? Is that you?” His mom called out and he winced, taking in a deep breath.

 

“Yep it’s me.” 

 

“I thought you were coming home tomorrow.” She said as she rounded the corner and then stopped when she saw his face. Her questioning look flashed to concern. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah I’m fine. I’m just here to grab some clothes.”

 

His mom hesitated, chewing on her lip as if she was deciding to say something. She surprised him when she did. “Is it because of Sam?” She asked softly and Grizz’s body tightened. He hadn’t really mentioned Sam to them. Mostly in passing. His dad had clenched his fists when he mentioned that Sam was his boyfriend and his mom completely ignored it all together. He didn’t push it.

 

“Yeah.” He said, voice only coming out into a whisper. 

 

“You’re a good friend for coming home.” She gave him a sympathetic look and Grizz gritted his teeth. Was he about to have this discussion? His mind went back and forth and decided that yeah, he was.

 

“He’s my boyfriend mom.” He replied through gritted teeth. “He’s my boyfriend and now he’s in the hospital, so I’m going to stay with him until he wakes up because I never got to tell him I love him.”

 

His mom flinched at the words. “Grizz--” She started before he cut her off.

 

“No, mom. I know you don’t _approve_ of who I love, but I love Sam okay. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and now I’m not even sure if he’s going to make it through the night. So if you excuse me, I’m going to change into different clothes and then I’m going back to the hospital.” He seethed.

 

“Don’t talk to you mother like that.” His dad said as he walked into the room. “You apologize right now.”

 

“You want me to apologize? Why? You never apologized to me for not approving of who I am. You never apologized to me for not speaking to me for an entire year just because of who I happen to like. Why do you get an apology for this? I know you talk about me behind my back and tell your little friends that I’m just going through a phase or some shit like that. This. Is. Who. I. Am.” He said, voice getting faster with each word until he practically stabbed the last words out with all the anger and hurt that was building up inside him.

 

Both his parents were silent for a moment.

 

“Grizz honey, I know you’re upset--” His mom started and he let out a laugh in disbelief. 

 

“Upset? I’m more than upset. I can’t even bring up the topic of my boyfriend without you two getting awkward and squeamish. I can’t bring him over to meet the two of you because you’re probably just going to pretend that he’s my friend and not my partner. If I invited you to our wedding I would be shocked if you decided to come to support your only son.” He laughed again and shook his head. “And now he’s dying in the hospital and you probably won’t even see him. Not that I’d want you to. You don’t deserve to meet him.” His tone changed to repulsion and he curled his lip up in disgust. 

 

His dad’s eyes were narrowed and his mom’s eyes were filled with tears. Normally he would feel bad and try to remedy the situation but he was tired. 

 

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to grab clothes.” He said in a calm voice that honestly surprised himself. 

 

He walked up the stairs to his bedroom and grabbed some of the clothes he had left over the years. He quickly changed and when he went back down the stairs neither of his parents were waiting for him and he preferred it that way.

 

The drive back to the hospital was somewhat calmer. He was still nervous about being away from Sam but letting out his feelings at his parents was somewhat cathartic. He had finally admitted to himself the love he felt for Sam and expressed it vocally instead of it quietly whispering in his mind during the moments that he had with Sam. Those quiet moments that when looking at them from the outside didn’t seem significant.

 

The way Sam’s eyes crinkled when Grizz made him laugh.

 

The way his heart soared when Sam looked at him proudly when Grizz brought him along to work things.

 

The gentle noises Sam made when he slowly woke up in the morning.

 

The heated glances when Sam started to get flirty in public.

 

The way Grizz could look at Sam and know what he was thinking before he even attempted to sign.

 

It was those moments that were flashing through his head now and as he turned into the parking lot of the hospital it was those moments that steeled him against the onslaught of emotion that he felt walking back into the hospital room. 

 

Sam’s parents were gone and it was only a nurse that was checking his vitals. She left quietly and then it was just him and Sam. He slowly sat down next to the bed and took Sam’s hand, rubbing his thumb over those familiar knuckles.

 

“Please come back to me.” He whispered urgently and kissed Sam’s hand, laying it back on the bed.

 

This quickly became his life now. He took a leave of absence from his work. They understood of course and he continued to write quick online content in the meantime. The rest of his day consisted of waking up at Becca’s place. She had insisted he stay with her. He didn’t want to go back to his parent’s house and Sam’s apartment was too much of a trigger. 

 

So he stayed with Becca in the meantime. He helped Eden with her homework. 

 

(“Mom why haven’t you brought Grizz earlier? He knows way more about English grammar than you do.”

 

“Because he’s annoying that’s why.”

 

He didn’t miss the wink)

 

Mostly though, he spent time at the hospital. 

 

It had been a week and they were finally bringing Sam out of the medically induced coma. He had healed well from the internal injuries but there had still been more healing to be done. The nurses had let him know that just because they took Sam off the medication that allowed him to stay in the coma, didn’t mean he wouldn’t automatically wake up. It could take a few hours or a few days.

 

He didn’t care. He would stay in that room until Sam opened his eyes.

 

The breathing tube was gone as was more of the tubes. The beeping was less. The bruises had started to turn into light purple and mottled green. There were less bandages, but still Sam didn’t open his eyes.

 

It was the second day off the medication. Grizz was reading in his usual chair. Sam’s parents had visited before but they both had to work. He kept getting distracted every five minutes, eyes looking to see if Sam was awake and each time, he was disappointed.

 

He finished his chapter and looked over at Sam and he felt his heart skip a beat. 

 

Those blue eyes were looking at him and he took in a sharp breath.

 

He reached out. “Sam.” He breathed and Sam’s eyes blinked slowly before a little smile that came with a wince.

 

“Grizz.” Sam attempted to give his name sign but winced again at the movement of his arms. Grizz shook his head.

 

“Don’t move okay, I’ll get the nurse.” He said frantically, tears springing to his eyes but Sam reached out and grabbed his hand. He stopped and looked back at Sam.

 

Sam was making the I love you sign and Grizz’s tears spilled over and he nodded, signing the same back. 

 

“I love you so much.” He whispered fiercely, signing just as fiercely. 

 

Sam’s bottom lip trembled and tears started rolling down the side of his cheek. Grizz reached out and brushed them away before brushing his own away. 

 

He sat back down, his hand never letting go of Sam’s.

 

“I’m so sorry.” He signed and Sam shook his head.

 

“Not your fault.” 

 

“I should have been there though.” 

 

“If you had been there, he would have killed you.”

 

Grizz was silent at that and he bit his lip. “I was so scared.” He said after a pause and Sam gave him a pained expression. 

 

“How long was I…?”

 

“Over a week.” Grizz said, breath hitching in his throat. “I was here every day. So was Becca and your parents.”

 

Sam’s eyes filled again, bottom lip trembling once more. “I thought I would never see you before I…” He trailed off and Grizz let out a strangled sound, mind going back to the fact that Sam was left on the curb alone until someone had found him. Grizz closed his eyes and let the tears fall.

 

He opened them again, vision slightly blurry. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.” 

 

Sam squeezed his hand. “You’re not going to.” 

 

Grizz bit his lip and leaned forward to lay a soft kiss on Sam’s bruised lips. It was a quick kiss but it said so much. He leaned back and Sam gave him a soft smile. “You are the love of my life okay. I can’t lose you.”

 

Sam sucked in a breath and he started tearing up again. “You were the last thing I thought of before I passed out. My mind flashed through what our future would be and I know there’s no one else for me.”

 

It was Grizz’s turn for his lip to tremble. “Was it beautiful?”

 

“It was everything.” Sam said fiercely and Grizz let out a choked laugh.

 

“Well don’t go all doom and gloom on me, we gotta make that a reality.”

 

“We have all the time in the world.” Sam said softly and Grizz looked at him, a wave of emotion rolling through him like it had done so many times in the past week. 

 

“I’m holding you to that.”

 

“You better.”

**Author's Note:**

> you know I had to do it okay. Leave me comments to yell at me or whatever because I've been thinking about this scenario nonstop.


End file.
